why this time of year?

okay so why did i pick the hardest time of the year to try and lose weight. i wish i picked january and made it my new year's resolution AGAIN! but i guess i decided to get a head start. wow...what was i thinking. this whole diet thing or whatever to call it is harder than i thought this time. i thought it would be a total piece of cake i mean pie or maybe just simple since my will power is at its strongest right now but i was wrong. i splurged a little this past week because of those dang christmas parties. my bad! didn't think i would say yes to everything on the table but what the heck it is the holiday season so i can put my diet on a holiday as well right? i know...i know absolutely not because if i can do it for this holiday than i should do it for every holiday. not! i will never lose weight that way. so i have a plan and i hope it works. i'm not going to sweat the small stuff and not worry about losing. my biggest concern and goal over the next two weeks is not to gain weight but maintain it. i have lost about 18 pounds so far so atleast i lost a little before the new year. my slim down goal weight is somewhere between may and june. so we'll see what happens then. when i hit my 200lb mark i will post a new picture of me. wait? did i ever post a now picture, okay so i will do that too...tomorrow definitely. argh! it would just be easier if i was skinny.

cwak

are you kidding me

okay it has been about three weeks since i've been working on my better eating and healthy habits. i think i've been doing pretty good thus far. even if i want to eat something "bad" or not good for you food i eat in very small portions. it's actually not that difficult, the hard part i think is the temptations and you have to have the will power and you have to want it so bad that nothing can come between you and your weight loss goal. i let it slip away and look where it got me, back to square one well almost, but let's not try to get there, i want to go down not up in this situation anyway. so what's the big deal, i think my expectations at this point are way too high. i just want the weight to fall off and fast! i mean if my body isn't use to eating rabbit food shouldn't the weight just disappear. i guessed wrong. there has to be something else. maybe my body is just to use to my daily routines that i'm in cruise control. tell me it isn't so. does that mean i have to take up another exercise or join another workout group? argh! it's too cold to do anything outside, i have no money to join a gym (struggling college student who lives alone), and i really don't have the room to exercise in my condo. i know...i know those are some poor excuses, except for the no money part, right? i mean that's why i'm a class manager for jazzercise so i can at least get those classes in for free.

i think this is my body telling me something. so maybe i will save a few bucks, go to the thrift store and find some workout tape i can dance to at home. i may even find that awesome sweatin to the oldies with richard simmons...haha...but it will definitely be my little secret if i do. or i could just stop being a baby and brave the cold. if i start running i'll warm up anyway, right? so i'm just going to do it...i'll let ya know how that idea goes. well i'm a little pumped about this let see how far this pumpness goes. another problem is that my foot has been painful too so maybe i'll start off with the aerobics video first. this whole diet and exercise thing sucks!

and then there's the whole oprah thing where she's mad at herself for weighing 200lbs. that sends out a great message to all of us who are at or around 200lbs. so should we be mad at ourselves too. i don't think i'm mad at myself for gaining the weight because i know i got lazy so i should have done something about it earlier on when i gain 5 lbs instead i waited after i gain 40lbs...doh! i think i am more upset with myself for giving up and not trying. so oprah don't be mad, it could make things worst, just brush yourself off and do something about it.

cwak

no more surgeries please!

okay if you say it will help. ummm...so how do i say this, not sure if i mentioned it yet but i have mild cerebral palsy. i was diagnosed at the age of 5 with congenital hemiplegia cp. i'm 27 now and it still haunts me to have to deal with it all the time. as a child growing up was difficult because the kids knew i was different and teased me all the time. i still walk with a limp and for the pass 8 years i've had 3 corrective surgeries and i'm about to have my fourth surgery in 2009. i've had 6 total so far. the right foot is causing me a lot of pain and makes it somewhat difficult to workout or doing any type of activity. but i try my hardest and i feel good about it afterwards. despite all the trouble that i have to go through it has been a challenge for me and i'm always up for a challenge. i push myself more and more because i like to find out what my limits are and even if there are any limits i still push myself just to see how much i can do. hopefully with me losing weight maybe my posture will improve and my limp will disappear (pray) and the pain will lessen and just feel better about myself all around. well duh that's a no brainer. i here those weightloss success stories all the time and hear people say how much their health has improve physically and emotionally so i know it will change me, right? i don't usually talk much about my cp because it can be difficult to explain to people and they don't really understand it most of the time. so if there are any of you out there with congenital hemiplegia cp, how do you deal with it?

cwak

falling way off the wagon

LOL! Okay it’s been awhile. I've been busy and yeah my weight loss plan went for good to bad. I think I'm committed though this time...for real. I know that I might have said it before or someone in the same situation says it a lot. Personally it's my favorite quote but seriously this time its for real, losing weight hasn't been easy for me. It was about a month ago I came to a realization that my weight was creeping up on me. I went to the doctors to treat bronchitis and when the doctor took my weight I saw the scale say 228.7. In my mind I was a little depressed not only because I was gaining the weight that I had lost but I was getting close to my peak which is 260. I hated how I felt at the point and I didn't want to feel like that ever again so I decided to myself and made a commitment that I would start change my eating habits and just my lifestyle in general. I also new I needed to change because I could just feel my health deteriorating, shortness of breath, depression, and high blood pressure. I already know I have high cholesterol too. So for the pass couple of weeks I have been eating more vegetables and fruit. I have been creative with the vegetables by making salads or adding seasoning to them when I cook them, so it’s been easier for me to eat those veggies. I've always liked fruit so I just have to eat more of them. I also picked up a little bit of extra exercising. I still do Jazzercise about 6 times a week but now I walk to dog for about 15-30 minutes a day or when I can. My friend and I also go to the gym on Mondays for a good hour workout. This has completely changed my attitude and I'm already feeling better. I'm not going to stress myself over it either. With the holidays coming up I will still stick to my plan but I won't deprive myself from something that I want to eat. If I want to have a slice of cake, I will eat that slice of cake. So here I am ready to do this weigh loss thing and make it a reality. I will reach my goal weight and it will be fantastic.

cwak

happy birthday...

happy birthday to me! so today i'm another year older. I feel about ten years older but hopefully that will change. i have been exercising a little more and eating better so i can feel a difference. my first weekly weigh in I lost six pounds so i'm all proud of myself for doing that. probably will change after this weekend, but we will see. i had sushi for lunch and had a piece of cake afterwards. such a great combination. raw fish and cake. i have jazzercise tonight and then I might go for a little jog before i go to trivia tonight. maybe, then again it is my birthday so I think I should bend the rules just for one day, right?

cwak

gagging on oatmeal

okay so I fell off the weight loss wagon for a bit but I'm definitely back on track again for the time being. this weight loss thing is definitely not an over nighter. things happen and i forget to take care of myself. besides it's really hard to find healthy food to like. i am starting to learn and finding new foods to like though. i found out that fresh soybeans are good snack versus peanuts or popcorn. I like to be artistically creative so why can't I be food creative too. i'm just not that good in that department. Cooking or any thing dealing with food is my weakness. much rather just pop it in the mircowave and call it a meal.

one thing that has grown on me since changing my eating habits is some good hot oatmeal...yummy. of course for me the creamier the better. i add more water in my bowl than there is oatmeal. it takes me forever to eat, which is kind of good in a way because you are suppose to eat slow anyways, right? the weird part of this is that i know when i'm done is when i start gagging from eating the oatmeal, usually when i'm near the bottom and most of the water is soaked up into the oatmeal making it too thick. picture the faces of those contestants on the show survivor who eat big nasty bugs and cow organs, i have the same reaction just from eating oatmeal. so eating oatmeal in the morning for breakfast has become quite an experience or chore, however you look at it. I'm thinking to maybe switching to cold cereal.

cwak

getting on track

Okay so I was on vacation last week after getting back from New Orleans. My diet not so good. My exercise well I attempted them but failed. So this week I am working on getting back on track. I have done my Jazzercise classes every day this week which is good and my energy level doesn't feel like it changed for the worst because of not going last week. I haven't really had any time to go running this week so I will start next week, maybe even today since I'm working on a Friday which I never do. When I get home I will go for a quick jog. Besides I'm pretty excited on listening to my new selection of music I downloaded. Some techno mixes, dorky I know. I haven't fell off the wagon just yet. Last week I was hanging on by a thread but this week I quickly pulled myself up again. So I give myself a little credit for doing that.

Okay for this morning for some reason I'm more interested in eating an apple pie rather than my stupid veggie bites for breakfast. I'm struggling here on choices. Should I just blow my diet or fight it out. I'm trying really hard to fight it out. I think this is happening because I normally don't work on Fridays so my whole routine is out of whack and right now I'm hungry when I usually am still sleeping. So this challenge I will take with a grain of salt and choose the right thing to do. Which is eat the apple pie...just kidding. I'm going to eat my healthy breakfast and start this day on the right track.

cwak

très jazz

On July 10th I flew down to New Orleans with a couple of friends and went to the Tres Jazz Jazzercise convention. I have to say I had a blast. First, the excitement and energy that went into the convention made worth the trip of going down there in the first place. It was my first time attending a Jazzercise convention and I think I'm hooked. It was a little pricey but well worth it. They have one every five years so I have sometime to save up for the next one. Of course while we were in New Orleans we had to do some sight seeing and walk down Bourbon St. My friends and I walked down Bourbon St. that Saturday and it was quite the partying place. We all had to try one of their Hand Gernade drinks which is known as "New Orleans Most Powerful Drink." We also had a Hurricane at Pat O's. After experiencing Bourbon St. we pretty much stumbled back to the Hotel room. The next morning was the last Jazzercise class. It was a little hard to move at first but quickly got the hang of it.

We decided to stay an extra day so we could do more sight seeing. We walked around the French Quarter and Market. Took a horse and buggy tour around downtown and got to see Jackson Square. The weather was scorching hot so we stop every now and then and had ourselves a cold drink. Our last night there we went out to dinner and had a seafood bucket at The Crazy Lobster which is very delicious and is one of my recommendations if you go to New Orleans. Then we went to bed. I will have some pictures posted soon.

So when I returned home from all of this I was eager to weigh myself to see how much I really lost. I mean with all of this exercise and it was hard core exercise, not the light stuff. I thought to myself I probably lost a ton of weight. Well I got on the scale and lost about two pounds. So I guess no matter how much you exercise I did that day, drinking and eating afterwards pretty much even things out. I was happy to lose the two pounds though but in the end I enjoyed myself and that is all that matters.

cwak

a new exercise

So I picked up a new exercise for me. Normally I do Jazzercise 6 times a week which I love doing and won't stop doing any time soon, I do need something else just to give my weight loss a little boost. I had no problem with losing 75 lbs. with Jazzercise alone but now I think my body has gotten use to the exercise routines so I need to add something else.

Originally I was going to buy a bicycle and just wheel my way around town. Eventually I will probably end up doing that with the gas prices going up and all but financially I can't afford one now unless I find one at a yard sale or something. Instead I took up running. Well it's more like a jog/walk thing now. I'm not a good runner and never really was one due to my ankle issues. This jog/walk exercise seems to be doing just fine for me. My endurance levels have gone up within just a couple of days by doing this and my co-worker has already notice a difference. Another plus for this is it wears my dog out. He's full of energy by the time I get home so this is something he does with me to release some of that energy. So now that I found some type of other exercise that works for me hopefully I can stick with it. I think I can as long as I can keep the music on my ipod recent. I would like to find some music ideas that are good for running, I feel if I can change up the music every once in awhile I won't lose interest.

Doing the jog/walk exercise now I'm hoping to eventaully be able to run or do a light jog the whole time if my ankle doesn't cause me problems. We will just have to see. So this is good. I do have goals for me and I want to achieve them. I CAN DO THIS!!

cwak

just me

So this is me about two months ago so it makes it my most recent portrait and I look so happy. I do have about three or four layers of clothing on so that may be the reason why I look a little bigger than usual but it was really cold that day and windy. On May 16th a couple of us jazzercisers organized a team to participate in the Relay for Life in Arnold at the Anne Arundel Community College. I was the team captain, still not sure how that happen. After looking at a few photos of myself at this event I thought that I really needed to lose weight. This photo here is my motivation to stay on track for losing weight. I really hope this works. I have placed this photo and others on my refrigerator to help keep me from going in there all the time just to put something in my mouth. This was sort of the cake part. What put the icing on the cake was I went shopping with some of my friends and found out that I am up two sizes since last year. That was kind of depressing. After shopping I decided this is it, I'm fed up with this battle and it is time for me to just win this thing. So I'm starting my journey or whatever you call it to a better and new looking me.

cwak

the start of it all

I'm starting today and I will create a new me. I'm tired of the way I look and how it makes me feel. I know I can do better so today I am making a change for myself. This whole eating right and exercising thing stinks sometimes but it has to be done.

I once was 260 pounds, losing about 75 lbs. of that and only to regain about 30 of what I had lost. Never made it to my goal weight either which is between 125 and 130. Motivation is a key factor is this and it's hard to keep that motivation up. I have it and I know what it takes to accomplish something like this but I easily lose the motivation especially on the weekends. I wish I had someone stand by me every waking moment making sure I don't screw up this time but I know that won't happen. So as you can see this blog will journal my accomplishments and struggles with weight loss and anything else I feel like putting in here but mainly it will be about weight loss.

cwak