why this time of year?

okay so why did i pick the hardest time of the year to try and lose weight. i wish i picked january and made it my new year's resolution AGAIN! but i guess i decided to get a head start. wow...what was i thinking. this whole diet thing or whatever to call it is harder than i thought this time. i thought it would be a total piece of cake i mean pie or maybe just simple since my will power is at its strongest right now but i was wrong. i splurged a little this past week because of those dang christmas parties. my bad! didn't think i would say yes to everything on the table but what the heck it is the holiday season so i can put my diet on a holiday as well right? i know...i know absolutely not because if i can do it for this holiday than i should do it for every holiday. not! i will never lose weight that way. so i have a plan and i hope it works. i'm not going to sweat the small stuff and not worry about losing. my biggest concern and goal over the next two weeks is not to gain weight but maintain it. i have lost about 18 pounds so far so atleast i lost a little before the new year. my slim down goal weight is somewhere between may and june. so we'll see what happens then. when i hit my 200lb mark i will post a new picture of me. wait? did i ever post a now picture, okay so i will do that too...tomorrow definitely. argh! it would just be easier if i was skinny.

cwak

are you kidding me

okay it has been about three weeks since i've been working on my better eating and healthy habits. i think i've been doing pretty good thus far. even if i want to eat something "bad" or not good for you food i eat in very small portions. it's actually not that difficult, the hard part i think is the temptations and you have to have the will power and you have to want it so bad that nothing can come between you and your weight loss goal. i let it slip away and look where it got me, back to square one well almost, but let's not try to get there, i want to go down not up in this situation anyway. so what's the big deal, i think my expectations at this point are way too high. i just want the weight to fall off and fast! i mean if my body isn't use to eating rabbit food shouldn't the weight just disappear. i guessed wrong. there has to be something else. maybe my body is just to use to my daily routines that i'm in cruise control. tell me it isn't so. does that mean i have to take up another exercise or join another workout group? argh! it's too cold to do anything outside, i have no money to join a gym (struggling college student who lives alone), and i really don't have the room to exercise in my condo. i know...i know those are some poor excuses, except for the no money part, right? i mean that's why i'm a class manager for jazzercise so i can at least get those classes in for free.

i think this is my body telling me something. so maybe i will save a few bucks, go to the thrift store and find some workout tape i can dance to at home. i may even find that awesome sweatin to the oldies with richard simmons...haha...but it will definitely be my little secret if i do. or i could just stop being a baby and brave the cold. if i start running i'll warm up anyway, right? so i'm just going to do it...i'll let ya know how that idea goes. well i'm a little pumped about this let see how far this pumpness goes. another problem is that my foot has been painful too so maybe i'll start off with the aerobics video first. this whole diet and exercise thing sucks!

and then there's the whole oprah thing where she's mad at herself for weighing 200lbs. that sends out a great message to all of us who are at or around 200lbs. so should we be mad at ourselves too. i don't think i'm mad at myself for gaining the weight because i know i got lazy so i should have done something about it earlier on when i gain 5 lbs instead i waited after i gain 40lbs...doh! i think i am more upset with myself for giving up and not trying. so oprah don't be mad, it could make things worst, just brush yourself off and do something about it.

cwak

no more surgeries please!

okay if you say it will help. ummm...so how do i say this, not sure if i mentioned it yet but i have mild cerebral palsy. i was diagnosed at the age of 5 with congenital hemiplegia cp. i'm 27 now and it still haunts me to have to deal with it all the time. as a child growing up was difficult because the kids knew i was different and teased me all the time. i still walk with a limp and for the pass 8 years i've had 3 corrective surgeries and i'm about to have my fourth surgery in 2009. i've had 6 total so far. the right foot is causing me a lot of pain and makes it somewhat difficult to workout or doing any type of activity. but i try my hardest and i feel good about it afterwards. despite all the trouble that i have to go through it has been a challenge for me and i'm always up for a challenge. i push myself more and more because i like to find out what my limits are and even if there are any limits i still push myself just to see how much i can do. hopefully with me losing weight maybe my posture will improve and my limp will disappear (pray) and the pain will lessen and just feel better about myself all around. well duh that's a no brainer. i here those weightloss success stories all the time and hear people say how much their health has improve physically and emotionally so i know it will change me, right? i don't usually talk much about my cp because it can be difficult to explain to people and they don't really understand it most of the time. so if there are any of you out there with congenital hemiplegia cp, how do you deal with it?

cwak

falling way off the wagon

LOL! Okay it’s been awhile. I've been busy and yeah my weight loss plan went for good to bad. I think I'm committed though this time...for real. I know that I might have said it before or someone in the same situation says it a lot. Personally it's my favorite quote but seriously this time its for real, losing weight hasn't been easy for me. It was about a month ago I came to a realization that my weight was creeping up on me. I went to the doctors to treat bronchitis and when the doctor took my weight I saw the scale say 228.7. In my mind I was a little depressed not only because I was gaining the weight that I had lost but I was getting close to my peak which is 260. I hated how I felt at the point and I didn't want to feel like that ever again so I decided to myself and made a commitment that I would start change my eating habits and just my lifestyle in general. I also new I needed to change because I could just feel my health deteriorating, shortness of breath, depression, and high blood pressure. I already know I have high cholesterol too. So for the pass couple of weeks I have been eating more vegetables and fruit. I have been creative with the vegetables by making salads or adding seasoning to them when I cook them, so it’s been easier for me to eat those veggies. I've always liked fruit so I just have to eat more of them. I also picked up a little bit of extra exercising. I still do Jazzercise about 6 times a week but now I walk to dog for about 15-30 minutes a day or when I can. My friend and I also go to the gym on Mondays for a good hour workout. This has completely changed my attitude and I'm already feeling better. I'm not going to stress myself over it either. With the holidays coming up I will still stick to my plan but I won't deprive myself from something that I want to eat. If I want to have a slice of cake, I will eat that slice of cake. So here I am ready to do this weigh loss thing and make it a reality. I will reach my goal weight and it will be fantastic.

cwak